“It isn’t about the dominance for me, it’s about the submission. Don’t get me wrong I love being dominated too and I need a strong character to submit to but it’s more of a turn on for me if it isn’t forced. If I make the choice to submit completely to your will. I don’t need to be chained. Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. That’s my gift to you; my submission.”
“The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.
The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire.”
― Audre Lorde, Uses Of The Erotic: The Erotic As Power
I love this quote. Especially the last part about aspiration.
I’ve been pondering this question a lot lately and I’m struggling to find an answer. There have been elements of sexual submission that have appealed to me from my first sexual relationship and naturally that has developed as I’ve tried new things. I’ve never felt as if there were particular acts that I had to include in order to have a fulfilling sexual relationship but recently I find my sexual response to be far more intense if an element of pain is included. It doesn’t have to be much, spanking, flogging, the use of nipple clamps is something I particularly enjoy right now but will this evolve further and at some point will I feel these things have to be included in order to feel fulfilled sexually. Am I becoming more masochistic as I get older? and what does that even mean?
- someone who obtains pleasure from receiving punishment
If there wasn’t a part of me that obtained pleasure from punishment then I surely wouldn’t allow myself to be in a relationship where my partner was allowed to punish me. Does that make all submissives masochists?
I can hear cries from submissives reading this saying no absolutely not but then at what point is the balance between pleasure and pain just right for it to be described as masochism? Does there have to be an emotional element? I’m not okay with humiliation. Does more extensive physical damage need to occur? I’m definitely not okay with being cut. Neither of those things is specifically stated when defining masochism though so how do you decide?
Finally, if masochism is simply the act of obtaining pleasure from pain then why is it seen as such a perversion even by some in submissive relationships who receive punishment. It seems far more perverse to be in a relationship where you allow that but gain no pleasure from it.
“It’s hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That’s part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can’t refuse anything and can’t even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel
I came across the above quote the other day and this for me is one of the absolute joys of submission. I am the most confident, independent and in control woman in every other aspect of my life and I find it so hard to let go of all the stress and baggage which comes with that but through submission I find my bliss.
We’ve all heard that changing diet plays a big part in how your man’s cum tastes but for those of us who don’t have the patience to wait a couple of months for that to take effect and feel that dumping him over it seems a little harsh what is the answer?
Well I have a top tip for you which avoids the need for the awkward “Honey, going down on you makes me want to vomit in my mouth” conversation and will leave him begging for more. What is it you ask?
Simply alternate sucking him off as normal and incorporating a mouthful of water into your routine. He’ll think you’ve picked up some new skills, will love the sensation of the changing temperature and when he cums it doesn’t hit your tongue or back of the throat directly but gets diluted with the water which can be quickly swallowed without you getting the full flavoursome hit!