When I started this blog it was meant to be more than just about sex and submission but I guess those topics have been my focus lately. So I thought I’d take some time out and think about the things my partner does for me that are non-sexual but have the power to bring me to my knees. 😉
1. Listen – Okay I admit this one can be annoying too when he reminds me of things I said in passing over a year ago which negate my current argument but it does make me feel warm and fuzzy to know he was really listening and considers everything that I say to be worth remembering.
2. Make me laugh – No matter how lousy I’m feeling he always finds a way to get through to me and make me feel better.
3. Make me angry – Unusual but he understands my emotions better than me sometimes and knows when I struggle to express myself that he can draw me out by pushing my buttons.
4. Take care of me – Whether it be making me feel protected when we’re out at night or running me a bubble bath when I’ve had a bad day.
5. Stand up to me – As a sexual submissive I guess it’s only natural that I like this one because in spite of how frustrated I can get sometimes it does thrill me when I see the dominant side to him in any situation.
6. Comfort me – Holding me in his arms and saying nothing. Understanding that sometimes I need to figure it out in my own head before I can fully express it to him and being patient in spite of that making him feel frustrated.
7. Do Chores – I love the way he smells so any excuse to get him working in the garden definitely excites me.
8. Be Silly – I get to see his strong side, his emotional side, his stressed side and his fun side but I only really learned about his silly side after we had our daughter. The way he is so patient and imaginative, making up silly games with her make me love him more every day.
9. Watch me – Okay I get that sounds strange and stalkerish but I like knowing that when we’re out in public and I’m over the other side of the room talking to friends his eyes always find me no matter what he’s doing and who he’s talking to. He always makes me feel like I’m the most important person there as far as he’s concerned.
I can’t decide what order to put these in because it changes depending upon what I need at any one time but I’ve really enjoyed writing it out and spending the time thinking about him and our relationship.
“It’s hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That’s part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can’t refuse anything and can’t even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel
I came across the above quote the other day and this for me is one of the absolute joys of submission. I am the most confident, independent and in control woman in every other aspect of my life and I find it so hard to let go of all the stress and baggage which comes with that but through submission I find my bliss.
A close friend of mine was visiting last night and over a glass of vino (aka 3 bottles) started complaining about her sex life. She talked for a while but the major issues to her were lack of intimacy in the relationship, lack of foreplay and when they did get around to having sex the other week it was over in seconds – a common enough complaint I’m sure you might agree. So I was quietly sympathetic but couldn’t help but ask the question, “How often do you have sex?”
Given the title of my post I’m sure you can guess where this is going. So I want to say here and now that while sex isn’t critical to every relationship out there I do believe that intimacy is and if sex is no longer on your agenda, then you need to find other ways to achieve the intimacy. In my friend’s case however there was nothing stopping them having good sex, it was something they both wanted but they’d drifted away from each other, were less intimate and afraid to discuss that aspect of their relationship in case it led to deeper problems. When asked why she didn’t try to initiate more she shrugged, said she was tired and couldn’t be bothered because it wasn’t that good when they did it. I must admit to feeling some sympathy for hubby at this point, if I go five months without then it doesn’t take me long either!!!
My advice therefore was simple. Have more sex. Even if you’re tired or not in the mood. Have sex every day for a week. Prioritise that part of your life for a change. Sex breaks down the walls, creates intimacy and bad sex can lead to average sex which can lead to great sex. Stop making excuses, stop ignoring that aspect of your relationship and just have sex. Lack of time is no excuse, she already said it didn’t take that long!!