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A close friend of mine was visiting last night and over a glass of vino (aka 3 bottles) started complaining about her sex life.  She talked for a while but the major issues to her were lack of intimacy in the relationship, lack of foreplay and when they did get around to having sex the other week it was over in seconds – a common enough complaint I’m sure you might agree.  So I was quietly sympathetic but couldn’t help but ask the question, “How often do you have sex?”

Given the title of my post I’m sure you can guess where this is going. So I want to say here and now that while sex isn’t critical to every relationship out there I do believe that intimacy is and if sex is no longer on your agenda, then you need to find other ways to achieve the intimacy.  In my friend’s case however there was nothing stopping them having good sex, it was something they both wanted but they’d drifted away from each other, were less intimate and afraid to discuss that aspect of their relationship in case it led to deeper problems.  When asked why she didn’t try to initiate more she shrugged, said she was tired and couldn’t be bothered because it wasn’t that good when they did it.  I must admit to feeling some sympathy for hubby at this point, if I go five months without then it doesn’t take me long either!!!

My advice therefore was simple.  Have more sex.  Even if you’re tired or not in the mood.  Have sex every day for a week.  Prioritise that part of your life for a change.  Sex breaks down the walls, creates intimacy and bad sex can lead to average sex which can lead to great sex.  Stop making excuses, stop ignoring that aspect of your relationship and just have sex.  Lack of time is no excuse, she already said it didn’t take that long!!

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